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Understanding Toddler Tantrums


A pink background with bold black text that reads “Understanding Toddler Tantrums.” A button with “Swipe” is in the center. Below is a photo of a young child screaming and holding their head in frustration.

As a mom of two young children, I understand firsthand the many emotions of working through toddler tantrums. It can be fustrating, upsetiting, and downright terrifying at times. Not knowing what to do next makes the task of helping our children regulate their emotions that much more difficult.


According to Manning et al. (2019), toddlers who are late talkers between 24–30 months of age have nearly double the risk of experiencing severe tantrums compared to peers with typical language development. Many parents are unaware that language development and tantrums go hand in hand. The better children are able to identify and express their needs both verbally and non-verbally, parents are able to guide their children to reduce tantrums.


It is normal in the United States, to walk into a grocery store or when visiting a park, and see a toddler becoming upset. However how we respond as adults, will determine how are children will respond next. This applies for our neurodiverse children as well as they have a heightened sense of parental emotional overload. The research has defined emper tantrums as behavioral outbursts that reflect a dysregulated response to frustration and are fairly common in young children (Manning et al., 2019). So what do we as adults do in response to a budding temper tantrum?


Follow These Steps:

  1. Provide the child comfort (if they say let them go, listen to them).

  2. Do not raise your voice at them. Lower your voice and ask them to blow a kiss or touch their nose. (This distracts them and helps them to cool down)

  3. Tell them that their big feelings matter and it's ok to be upset.

  4. Ask them what they need in calm manner and DON'T RUSH! Give them time to process.


Always trust your gut if you feel that your child's tantrums are outside of the norm. If this is what you are experiencing right now, consult with your child's pediatrician and locate a child psychlogist for testing (if needed).


Rememeber you are doing the best you can in this very moment. Children learn at their own pace and as the parent you are learning with them.


Best wishes,


Lady Tam




Sources:

Manning, B. L., Roberts, M. Y., Estabrook, R., Petitclerc, A., Burns, J. L., Briggs-Gowan, M., Wakschlag, L. S., & Norton, E. S. (2019). Relations between toddler expressive language and temper tantrums in a community sample. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 65, 101070. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.appdev.2019.101070

 
 
 

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